Today is my birthday! I've supposedly reached adulthood but I don't feel any different. 8D

It's already September 1st. WHAT.

Next week I go to Toledo to see the doctor there. About a week and a half after that it's my birthday and I'll be legally an adult, omg I don't want to grow up. :(

Since it's September now that means it's closer to October so I'm trying to plan my Halloween costume, lol. I don't care if this is too early. :'D



PS I feel like a procrastinating lazy butt who's never going to get done with school. I'm getting so behind. D; What do you all do when you aren't motivated to do your work at all? 

Yes! It's hard for me to exercise because of my dysautonomia; I'm always afraid I'll pass out or I'll lose my balance and fall. So somebody should invent that pill.

Aw it makes me sad how many people are just saying "I don't". :'(

After a long time of hating my body, I've come to love it. It lets me walk around and do things. It's fat and squishy and keeps me insulated in the winter, haha. I have big hips and I like how soft and smushy my tummy is. :D

Omg my dad. I kind of wish I didn't have to ever see him, as mean as that sounds. But we live in the same house and I can't leave yet. :(

Catherine Deneuve in The Hunger, omg. Pretty much any version of Dracula, but especially the one played by Gary Oldman. Or Selene from Underworld. Or maybe Armand in the Interview with the Vampire movie. :'D

PS Twilight sucks.

Texting! There's nothing that makes me feel more insignifigant than when a friend wants to hang out with me but then the whole time they're texting someone else.

I'm sure none of these will happen in the next five years or even my lifetime, but I would LOVE to go to Ireland, France, and Italy (especially Venice!). Actually, just about anywhere in Europe would be lovely. My family doesn't travel at all, and I just went on my first vacation since I was like 8 recently. We couldn't even get my whole family to go, so my dad and brother stayed home. I really want to travel more. :(

My ideal lifestyle would be just doing what I want all the time. And that wouldn't work, because I would have to get a job to get moneys and whatnot. So I would need a way to get money magically while just sitting around on my ass!

Also, living in middle-of-nowhere Indiana where the only things around are cornfields and livestock doesn't really help. I would rather be somewhere where I can find things that cater to my interests. At this point, there's not much I can do about that. Oh well.

I just got back from my very first trip to Disneyworld! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dnS0bgaf-o

The black slave centaur in Fantasia disturbs me because of how racist that scene is, wtf. Disney cut it out of the movie and claims it doesn't exist. GOOD OL DISNEY, PROMOTIN EQUALITY.

And other than that, Jessica Rabbit is pretty disturbing because of how hot she is for a cartoon character.

I'm going to be working on classes all summer. I know it's all my fault for procrastinating so long, and I feel like an idiot. I really need to stop this thing where if I don't want to do something, I don't do it. It's not helping me out at all.

I'm pretty sure I'm taking the SAT's this weekend if I can get my accomadations, and I'm really afraid that I'm going to do really bad. Especially on the math part, since I'm not currently taking a math class and I feel like all my math knowledge has been pushed out of my brain.

Also, my family has been driving me so fucking insane. Like, I don't even want to talk to any of them anymore because they're all pissing me off so much. Ugh.

Cheer me up please. :(

Maybe a day. Probably less, because I would probably get scared at night and back home. :'D

For the past couple weeks I've felt really sad and kind of depressed and really lazy and whatnot. Like, I don't want to do anything. I don't know why.

What do you guys usually do when you're upset? :(

I just got back from the hospital in Toledo. It was a loong drive and I'm exhausted.

I saw the Nurse Practitioner there. She spent about 2 hours with us, going over my condition and she showed us a Powerpoint and everything. She determined that I have Developmental POTS and that I have a pretty big chance of growing out of a lot of my symptoms. And she also said that I probably have POTS because I have hypermobility in my joints (meaning that I can bend my fingers and knees and elbows pretty far in the wrong direction) and that means that I also probably have stretchy collogen in my veins. So since my veins are stretchy, they just expand to accomodate more blood and my blood doesn't flow back up through my body. It was pretty interesting to hear this, because nobody has ever pointed to a potential cause of my condition before. She also said that a lot of patients who get POTS around 13 or 14 get a peak in symptoms when they're about 16, which is what happened to me. So this is pretty normal I guess?

She is going to keep in contact with me and she has some medicines that she thinks will help more than the ones I'm on now. She seems to know a lot more than all of my doctors here do, so hopefully she'll help and I will get feeling better. I'm supposed to go back to the hospital in August to see the actual doctor, which I'm kind of looking forward too because he's pretty well-known around the world for treating forms of dysautonomia.

Ugh I always get sick over spring break. I think I have the stomach flu or food poisoning or something because I'm throwing up. Ew. I feel really gross. :(

Oh God I finally got confident enough to post some outfits on the interbuttz. I feel so brave, it's almost like the other day when I was really scared to go ask the lady at the restaurant for a brownie but I DID ANYWAYS. :'D 

http://community.livejournal.com/fatshionista/4208392.html?view=95205128#t95205128

Ughh my family is driving me insane. I kind of wish I could get out of here, but I'm stuck at home.